Chemo through my eyes……

What to expect from chemo…..that’s what I wanted to know.  I read medical internet sites and one scary blog but I came away with more questions than answers.  The more I researched the more I understood that  every cocktail of chemotherapy is different for each cancer.  There is really no pat answer…..but there are some pretty common side effects.

I remembered back to when labor started for my 3 babies.  I went to a doctor who didn’t believe in epidurals.  So when labor started, it was like…..there is no  escaping this….. but with labor there is a blessed purpose and the outcome was the sweet baby making all that pain so worthwhile.  I remember when I was hooked up for the first time for chemotherapy. I once again had that dreadful sense…..there is no escaping this, plus no assurance of a bright outcome. I just wanted to bolt…..somehow run from this awful nightmare……this wretched storm that now swirled around my life.  I watched as those drops began to filter down into the tube and the cool sensation that I felt in my vein. I began to cry.  Pat comforted me as best he could. How much I needed his strong hands wrapped around mine.  If you have a friend going through chemo I would like to make a suggestion: make sure they aren’t going alone. If they are, clear your calendar and offer to go with them on their next round.  How much we need that support. Here is a treatment where my daughter, Rachel, came along with me.  Its amazing what you can find to do with medical tape.  She has a way of brightening even chemotherapy

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As the bags of chemicals emptied it was like my body struggled between sleep and wide awake.  The Benadryl to combat any allergic reaction fought with the steroids included in my cocktail.  As the Benadryl wore off those steroids would usually keep me awake the first night, too.  As the nurse unplugged me from the first round of chemo I could only think of doing this 5 more times and how long it seemed.  It was summer and I would be done in December.  It seemed an eternity away.  But that last treatment will come as sure as you’re reading this.  Here is the last hook up for me.  That was a happy day!

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One of the most helpful things I did for chemo day, was to download some awesome Christian music to calm my jitters and help me keep focused on the positive.  The battle in the mind to stay positive as you deal with cancer is constant.  How much better to stay focused on the God who loves you, than the cancer.  Three of my favorite songs are:  ‘Always’ by Kristian Stanfill, ‘Oh no you never let go!’  and ‘10,000 reasons’ by Matt Redmond.   I kept those songs on a lot those chemo days.

With the first round of chemo under my belt, my husband and I  stood to go.  I was so thankful that I wasn’t at all nauseous.  Actually I felt hungry.  So Pat and I went to a nearby Panera where I enjoyed one of those bread bowls of soup. That evening I enjoyed watching my husband fish and the grandkids play on the hillside.  It was a wonderful calm before the storm.

I got some advice from those who had gone through this before: That first week after a treatment: take those nausea meds they prescribe you around the clock whether you’re feeling bad or not.  Don’t give it a chance to take hold.  I felt pretty good the first 2 days after chemo but the 3rd and 4th days were the roughest.  Everything aches. Nausea has a tight hold.  I had stabbing pains in my bones.  You choke down the meds.  You get through it.  I found it helped to try to eat a little something with the meds.  For me, it was either a couple bites of Angry birds graham cookies, or Hawaiian rolls.  I also was taking so many pills I found my foggy brain couldn’t keep the times straight for administering each drug.  Take this one every 4 hours, take that one every 6 hours, take this one every 8 hours.  Sheesh!!!  Even with an unfogged-by-chemo-brain I probably couldn’t have kept it all straight.  So, I got a notebook and started keeping track.  The ninth day after chemo I no longer needed the nausea pill.  Yay!  I really started feeling better and better until the next treatment.  Pat and I would plan trips and outings that 3rd week after a treatment.

Then there is the hair loss.  You hear of those few who keep their hair through treatment…. and you hope maybe you will be one of those few.  But I wasn’t.  I let myself cry over it one day.  That’s all I felt it was worth.  We even had some fun with that shaving day.  I may write more about that day later….

So with chemo, I had heard two different lines of thought….. as  you continue with the treatment, the side effects intensify.  Or, your body is better able to handle the drugs as the treatments continue and the side effects lessen.  For me, the side effects eased a bit the last two treatments.  Someone had encouraged me to try taking Claritan those first few days after a treatment.  I tried that the last 2 treatments and I don’t know if it was a coincidence but it was better.  So try it!

Chemotherapy is no picnic….. but it gives us a fighting chance.  I will thank God for that.  I began to pray as I went through this whole ordeal……God, please use those drugs to find and destroy each cancer cell.  As I prayed that prayer the movie, The Matrix, came to mind.  I know Mr Anderson was the bad guy, but I kept hearing his famous line in my mind, “Find them and destroy them!!”  So I kept praying through the whole 5 months of treatments:

…………………………………………………………….”FIND THEM AND DESTROY THEM!!!”…………………………….

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I would tag my ‘Ovarian cancer theme verse’ found in Deuteronomy 33:26-27 to that prayer:

                                                  “There is no one like the God of Jeshurun (beloved one),
                                                                who rides across the heavens to help you
                                                                        and on the clouds in his majesty.
                                                                        The eternal God is your refuge,
                                                                 and underneath are the everlasting arms.
                                                                  He will drive out your enemies before you,
                                                                                saying, ‘Destroy them!’

Cancer is the enemy and so I pray …..Oh  Lord, if someone is reading this right now struggling with chemo and cancer, please encourage them with Your hope and joy and peace.  Please let those drugs circulating within search out and destroy each and every cancer cell.  In Jesus name I pray, Amen!